Highlights from the list 248 ways to annoy people:
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
82. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”
97. Ask to “interface” with someone.
139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend’s house who has a piano. Claim you’ve never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, “I guess I must kinda be a natural.”
177. Tell people their fly is down when they’re wearing sweat pants.
222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don’t disguise your voice.
242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers “I must avenge the death of my father.”